it's a sad day when...

 i always only ever want doughnuts

clairey clairey quite contrary. she is the dolliest.

 some of my favs on halloween

 striped shirts are so versatile

 liver's got himself a yittle necklace!

more on this shortly>>>

before i start, let me just say that there are only two days left until my favorite holiday OF THE YEAR besides my birthday. until then, i will continue to live off of eggs and water to conserve stomach space/offset the inevitable and truly inconceivable weight gain. i only started today, it's fine.

now the piece de resistance!

IT'S A SAD DAY WHEN:

-every night usually ends with a bath while watching gilmore girls on my phone. yes, i am 23 years old and i still take baths. i am not ashamed!

-you're over at a new friend's house and you see a big painting of a dark-haired bearded man reaching through what looks like a pretty ocean wave and ask if it is jack johnson by chance! nope, it's jesus. you thought jesus was jack johnson. on a sunday. i go to church, i promise.

-you are taken out to sushi probably seven times in the course of two weeks. i swear i had never had so much (many) ***fish at one time in my life. and it is confusing and you are mixing up the fish's cars names everything flavors.

-(this happened while i was in san diego) a foreign lady that i was helping at work says she wants some "dressy shoes that are flat", so i show her a table of nice leather flats. she says in her accent, "yes, but do you have any that are not doll shoes?". my eyes were literally crying keeping the snorting laughing fit from bubbling up.

-you're about to walk into the church building and a man rushes to open the door for you from the inside. "oh, thank you ha ha" "noooo, thank YOU". ummmm, you're welcome ya big weirdo. what am i even supposed to say to you now?

-you go to the most random halloween dance party and SWEAR 100 MILLION PERCENT you see a man that your parents are friends with dancing with a teenager. i swear on my life guys, it was him. i was full-on staring.

***=literal and figurative ;) ;) ;)

itchy feet

i go back and forth between wanting to settle down for real in a fully decorated apartment where i'm not sleeping on an air mattress and wanting to run away to countries whose names i can't pronounce where i don't know what they're saying and i'm lost every two seconds. i don't know whether i want to build off of what i already have or scrap it all and start completely over. i'm plunging in directions that i'm not always confident in. i want to get away but i'm already lonely. NOTHING in my life does not bring me questions. i wonder about the whole idea of "you need to find happiness with where you're at and explore new things" quote (not verbatim, obviously) because i'm not happy with where i'm at. i don't know how everyone else isn't going through this and questioning everything and just sinking more and more into their lives that they hate. i'm not completely satisfied with the girl that i am right now. and maybe i don't need to just settle into my unhappiness and accept it. maybe i can just shake this all off and go somewhere new because why the heck not. 

by the way (john bytheway...my dad always says "by the way" and i call him out on it every time and every time he'll shoots back "yeah, JOHN bytheway"), that's what you get for being the offspring of careful gina and crazy scott. you get all the urges of wanting to research everything and wait wait wait and save up money along with the impulses to spend everything you have on one way tickets and ditching your phone in the ocean and living off of gas station food. 

i don't know how to figure it out and i don't know if i'll ever be completely happy when i make a choice because the other side of me will probably always be screaming.

but i'm gonna start with somewhere in the middle where i'm not doing the traditional stay-in-one-place forever thing. with that, i have to get over my need to report to everyone in my life about why i'm doing what i'm doing so they know where i'm at and they don't think i'm crazy. and yes, i'm aware that even me talking right now is me reporting, just don't say anything and go with it. i'm a silly. 

the fact of the matter is is that i can't please everyone and i need to accept that and move on. 

so from here on out, you've been warned. 

if i'm a crazy, you've been warned. if i'm extra careful, you're been warned.

i'll start small, but i just might be one of those can't-hold-them-to-anything people for awhile.

and that's just gonna have to do for now.

let's fly let's flyyy awaaay

 [don't buy the $16 miniature silo of costco macadamia nuts. if you're me, they'll be gone in two days.]

[this is my worthy costco trip attempt to stop spending $20 at the whole foods salad bar every time. 

we've all been there. i know it can't just be me. there's strength in numbers.] 

so i go to utah for a week to visit some fam and friends for my birthday.

come back, and the first thing i notice about my apartment are that there are flies in it.

i get in the shower and there are like a good five flies partying in there with me.

[read: i was using the shower head as a bazooka to pelt them down and screaming bloody murder.]

the funny thing is that i'm always scolding jit for leaving our shower window open

and like a month ago, she did it and a big fatty fly came in.

i remembered this and assumed it must've been major pregnant or SOMEthing because this just wasn't normal.

i went to work and forgot all about it.
but when i woke up the next morning, all i hear is a choir of buzzing.

that's sayin something coming from a girl that sleeps with ear plugs.

finally i can't take it and i go buy a cheap fly swatter and go to town.

and start making little piles around the house [cue da cringing].

i even had tactics because i realized the live ones liked to go hangout by their dead friends and that's how i'd kill even more.

nobody should have to learn this!

and then i start counting.

FOURTY THREE FREAKING FLIES.

can't even believe the madness. i blame the knocked up fly!

i feel like i could've kept them alive and charged people to come to some sort of flyhouse where you have a cup of nectar and the flies come and land on you or something and you get your picture taken.

crazy town.

anyways, i've killed a good thirty since and i'm just disgusted and amazed that i haven't lost it and haven't broken my cheap swatter yet and is there a nest or something and i can't live in california if it's going to be like this.

i'm missin' you like 糖果

it's been awhile and the last time we spoke was pretty intense, 

so let's just ease into this again, eh?

IT HAS BEEN A SAD DAY WHEN:

-you get emails from LinkedIn saying that "Scott Dastrup has endorsed you for another skill to put on your profile". thanks daddy, but not sure if the recommendation will hold much weight coming from my biased father. maybe make a new profile to endorse me under. first name bill, last name gates? 

-your thumb has been numb for two days now. cool, just slowly dying at the age of 22.

-it turns out so cal is a hotspot for spiders and they are ♪gettin jiggy wit it♫ in your apartment. this is not okay. to the point that i'm staying up til 2 AM googling how to ward them off and seriously considering throwing hazelnuts everywhere and dousing the place in rice vinegar like it tells me to.

-you just ran 13.1 miles straight a few weeks ago, and in the freaking freezing rain at higher altitude than you trained in........and you can't even finish three miles at sea level now. obviously i regress quickly. 

-you accidentally dump a box of shoes on a customer and snort laughing. oh michelle.

-your coworkers go get drunk on friday nights and you just go get doughnuts from your favorite 24-hour doughnut shop. apple fritters all night!

-you have to stifle a british accent with everything in you whenever you get a british customer. i'm not kidding people, the whatever minutes i am helping them is probably the most active my brain ever is, reminding myself to not say "schuow, owl getchu a sawize six" (sure, i'll get you a size six). also, i could be mistaking british for new jersey.

-you thought someone was begging for money and gave them a dollar. they weren't. their gross income is doing fine. you gave a dollar to a perfectly fine stranger. hey, it's california.

back at it!