things i'll never understand: sleepless meesh edition.

[why i'm able to trick people into thinking i'm a normal person. in my defense, these were taken extremely late at night.......which isn't normal.]

• why girls with really long and pretty hair will cut their hair short. and like it better that way?? okay, go ahead and have your butch haircut. i'm just gonna be one of those creepy old ladies with the longest white hair and i'm gonna like it.

• why all boys don't wear cologne. honestly, it doesn't matter what you look like or what words come out of your mouth, YOU WILL GET THE GIRL. or you will at least get michelle dastrup (shhh, don't tell daddy).

• why i continue to procrastinate my butt-long papers until the night before they are due. and not only is there a paper to write, but there is a book to be read before in order to write the paper....that also doesn't get started until the night before it is due. oh, oh! and this also happened two weeks ago. i have serious procrastinating problems. submit me to a clinic or something.

• why i even attempt eating healthy. my brain's like what up healthy, toned body?? we got this!! and then my body's like ha ha STOP. just give us the cookies already.

• why my really old comms professor from semesters ago keeps sending me "My Birthday requests" via email. i mean, it is my favorite day of the year and it can be yours too if you really want it that bad....

• why i am writing this blog post instead of writing the aforementioned paper that is due in an hour. you never learn, michelle.

on to the next one.

as of late, 

there's been a turn of events that, sadly and quite honestly, 

i had seen coming for a while.

the deepest part of me was trying my hardest to essentially force a square to fit inside a circle, 

but naturally things just didn't work out.

the facts needed to be faced.

and time seen as lost can also be seen as experience gained.

here's the deal:

from now on, i'm no longer in the business of lying to myself.

from now on, if anything feels off, 

if any freaking part of me has to delay or deny reality in order to make whatever i'm doing fit with what i want, then count me out.

in fact, consider me marathon running in the other direction.

because what's the point of trying to make something work that i know i don't even want?

i didn't even want it.

i'm not tricking my gut feelings anymore.

it's not economically or emotionally worth it.

my motto: anything other than yes is no.

if it's not a yes!, it's a dang no.

[a "haaaiil nooo", if you will]. 

and some may think that's just too extreme.

that there's always a gray area in that black and white world that you can dance around in for months,

wondering if what you're pursuing is what the deepest part of your core longs for.

and delaying the confrontation to just see what happens or if things will change.

but what it really comes down to is that i'm on the path to figuring out what i want to be and where i want to be going.

i don't have time to twiddle my thumbs and hope for change.

hope for some strong resonating reassurance.

i'm no longer not listening to that little voice that, from the beginning of it all, told me NO.

no no, i'm now in the business of progression.